when your tigresscub sends you this pic as one of the most ohmygod moments of her life, then you know you've done well as a "parent," or "random adult in charge of the safety and momentary happiness of a kid," as i like to call it:)
you know that whatever else you fucked up on, whether it may have been her education, or her eating habits, or her drinking debut or your relationship altogether, there's definitely one thing you got right: her smile has that human rights family glow. thank you, life <3
blame it on bianca, thats the name of the show that kicked off pride week in amsterdam last night - heck yeah, ill blame it on bianca, any day <3 on her and on all my gay lesbian trans bisexual brothers and sisters who have helped me raise sinziana as a single parent since day 1, and still help me every day of my (sometimes even more complicated) remote parent life.
your immense strength and beauty, being able to get out and up there: i am forever in awe of that, my queens and kings. whether you are
a drag queen performer who is fighting addiction and/or is often humiliated, threatened or even attacked
a young roma woman who goes out there into a world of racist hypocrites and learns how to get on top of it
a young trans person who can put themselves together to go to school every day and graduate
a person in a wheelchair who can make jokes about being "handicapped" in the most ballsy and confident self-ironic manner
an older gay man with a twinkle in his eye for each bloody homophobe who looks at him
a 17-year old kurdish boy who can keep his head up among people who consider him a born terrorist and claim his right to a decent life
a lesbian teacher who always leaves home 5 mins apart from her lover, who is a teacher too but at a different school
anybody pushed by marginalization into scarcity and/or depression but who can find it in him/her the strength to give hope and support to others - cuz thats really the best prozac
anybody who is one of these and can GO ON.
and not only that, but SHINE the golden glow of that smile in your eyes.
we be family.
okay, that was my random rant of gratitude:)
now i go make bread cuz palas is coming over in a couple of hours for a bit of work. i dont know many people with as much patience and ability to remain constructive in the midst of the most stupid situations as him. he be my community organizing commander, and im not just saying that.
marian might come over too, bless his golden heart. there is so much love and empathy in that heart, could diffuse a fucking nuclear bomb, i would build him a temple. he was my guardian angel this very very dire winter, and he's always there through thick and thin, paranoia-free and vanilla-flavored.
tonite ill see my lil brother andi too, before he heads back to sweden. this little (but very tall!) brother of mine is so quietly and resiliently strong that he makes chuck norris look funny.
im starting a gallery of family portraits with this posting. i will revisit here and add more soon.
these first 3 match the picture of sinziana and bogdan framing bianca like oh.my.god.
i read a poem on ruxandra's wall today.
it's by olena kalytiak davis and it's called postcard.
there's something about this bit:
it is summer
but also winter & fall.
In response to your asking:
I fill the hours
then lick them shut.
Today, not a single word, but the birds
as if someone had suggested
i recently learned about a poetry form called pantoum.
something about resuming lines in different stanzas - i believe it's the second and fourth line in each stanza that become the first and third in the next one, or something like that.
i cant be bothered to write in fixed poetry forms, of course, but i sort of like the idea of poets using certain lines as fishbones.
lately it's difficult to see the difference between staying and going.
birds quietly nodding.
has come and gone, almost
birds quietly nodding
winging their hushed goodbyes to ginger
has come and gone, almost
wait, not serenity
winging hushed comeheres to ginger
and you, from behind the smoke.
wait, not serenity
that's not what we were after, was it now?
i wasn't after anything in particular, was i?
she so mimsy.
last night she came and went.
winging her promise.
the pantoum is featured in a fiction book by zadie smith, my friend ioana lent it to me - to read until i return to cluj next month. the book is called on beauty and it has a way of growing on you.
it fills the hours.
licks you shut.
olena's postcard ends with (the lightness of) this:
Please don’t misunderstand: We still suffer, but we are
the lightness of that response to